I’m going to start where this is relevant.. I just have to get this out.
Today was supposed to be a wonderful day.. and it was .. full of sun and fun and water … and a can of iced tea.
Luke was on my lap cranky.. almost naptime, I opened the can.. he tried to grab it, I said no and put him down. He cried. Really cried. And I’m thinking.. what is that red spot on my leg.
I pick him up looking him all over .. and then I see it. Red. All over his hand.
Crap. Switch gears. It’s fine. F.I.N.E. Fine. Clean up the blood.. holy crap so much blood. Don’t say a word. He’s not even crying anymore. How could he not be crying? LOOK at that gash in his tiny little finger.. NO don’t look at it. Pressure pressure pressure. Bandaid. Tre’ hand me my bag. Front pocket.. ahh bandaids. Release pressure. Oh hell no, bandaid is not gonna cut it yet. Pressure. Luke is getting pissed. Little red circles splattered all over my light blue shorts. It’s fine. He’s sleepy. What time is it?!? Oh good, it’s naptime. OK let’s get comfy.
He’s asleep. Bleeding has stopped. Still fine. Still cool as a cucumber. Didn’t break a sweat. I’m wrapping a bandaid tightly around his tiny finger and I’m thinking.. shit, maybe he shouldn’t be asleep. It’s fine.
20 minutes later Willow is squealing with laughter and Luke wakes up. He’s laughing with her, playing in the sand. Running through the water. No big deal.
Get home, get situated. Bathtime, pj’s, screw the bandaids he keeps ripping off – someone get me the NewSkin – and everyone is asleep. I gotta go potty.
I walk into the bathroom and cry my eyes out.
And I’m thinking.. how could I let that happen… it wasn’t fine.. it IS a big deal.. his blood is still all over me.. I can’t find my voice.